Jimmy Fallon recalls unhealthy obsession with 'SNL' and dangerous vow he made

Jimmy Fallon has opened up about his mental health struggles when he was a newbie in Hollywood.

In a new interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, Fallon, 50, got candid about his rigid dream of making it in the comedy world when he moved to Los Angeles in his early 20s. Fallon, who was obsessed with Saturday Night Live, began auditioning for various comedy roles and gigs, but didn’t have much luck and started to worry.

“It wasn’t the greatest and I’m a pretty positive guy in general, but I think that was probably my lowest [moment],” the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon host shared. “I remember like, you know, trying to see what therapy was or if I could afford a therapist.”

“I think I wrote a letter to my best friend, like, ‘I’m losing it dude,’” the Taxi star revealed. “I think it was something to the point, like, ‘I’m losing it and I don’t know if I can make it.’”

Part of his early dream to make it in Hollywood was focused on starring in Saturday Night Live, a show he loved growing up.

“I became so obsessed in high school that I couldn’t really hang out with anyone while I watched the show ’cause I didn’t like it if anyone didn’t like the show,” Fallon admitted.

He shared, “My friends would have parties and they go, ‘You gotta come, right?’ I go, ‘I’ll be there at one o’clock.’ I can’t just tape it. I have to watch it live.”

He continued, “I said, if I do nothing else in life, that’s all I wanted to do. And like, even if that, if I got on for one season or one episode, then I could do whatever I could.”

Sharing how obsessed he was with starring on the comedy show, he said, “I wrote that in something, in some journal or something. What if I don’t get on Saturday Night Live by the age of 25? I’ll kill myself.”

When Bartlett asked if he was serious, Jimmy Fallon replied, “Yeah, I did, but again, I knew that I was gonna be on Saturday Night Live.”